At the start of every year, my favorite journal prompts me to write out my goals and the projects I hope to complete during the year. Mine seems to always begin with a grand vision (that I often fail to complete), but to which I accessorize with mind maps, drawings, and eloquent words.

This year, I called my vision "Rise Up" and drew an air balloon with ballasts marked "Clean up" "Clear out" "Toss" "Sell" and "Donate." I cut them out of paper and glued them in tiers floating down the page showing how I could "Rise Up" to my goals by cutting myself free from clutter and other weighty issues.

My hope was to use this freedom to write my next four books in my Marvelous Messages series, including Marvelous Messages from Your Heart, from Your Weight (oh yes!), and from Your Ancestry—the latter also has a card deck. 

I wrote then that I hoped this freedom would garner time for several fun projects, as I've long languished over such as my two photo journals—one, a family history going back over one hundred years. I love making jewelry, and I have been building several dollhouse-like, wood craft kits in my hard-to-find free time. These projects free my mind from the day-to-day activities that clutter my mind (see what I did there?) while opening the creative channels in my brain. Of course, none of this includes family life, client work, or our new family business of deaccessioning our 45 years of antique acquisitions—all the activities keeping me busy "now."

In February, I became so ill with Influenza A that I could barely get out of bed and feared I would die. Looking around my bedroom day after day, the idea of "clean out" and "clear out" became almost an obsession. Back on my feet again by the end of March, I’d reduced the contents of my closet by about 1/3 and had gradually begun sorting through drawers and other clutter traps throughout the house. I hoped to soon be on my way to writing and fulfilling my monthly project goals when something happened—my husband caught the de-clutter bug too.

As if we weren’t juggling enough, we decided to create an exercise room in our younger son’s old bedroom. This idea excited me because, along with all this "clear it out" stuff, I’d come up with the belief that lightening the load around the house might also help to lighten the load around my belly. This shift in rooms led to moving our shipping station to my other son’s old bedroom (aka we bought an army of rolling shelving units). Soon, the exercise room had floor space ready for equipment—something I never thought I'd see.

But wait! Just as we were ready to move in our new Pilates reformer table and other equipment, the realization of just how many objects-de-art we owned became crystal clear. Hubby suggested we build a bank of bookcases in the living room to help ease the clutter, which quickly grew from four in the living room to eight… then why not add three more in the sunroom? (Scratch that!) In the ever-evolving and expanding design, make that nine.

This led to moving Tim’s office from where it had been for thirty years in the sunroom, to the family room where, after we rip out the bar counter, he'll have a new space. (Let’s not yet think about the chaos THAT is going to cause in the interim.)

Yes, I am fully on board. Yes, it’s a total mess right now. Yes, it’s going to be so awesomely wonderful that I am like a kid the night before Christmas. Talk about a major clear out / clean up. This will totally re-evaluate what we sell and what we keep while acting as a total home remodel.

However, all of this has several downsides, including sidelining my other ambitions. I don’t remember when or where I read about "Now" and "Not Now," (I may have mentioned this to you earlier this year.) but the author’s words stuck in my mind. Her concept simply acknowledged that we have things in life we can do NOW and things we want to do, expect to do, even plan to do, but aren’t viable for whatever reason NOW. So they must be relegated to NOT NOW.

"Not now" is kind of like a little child tugging on your shirt sleeve begging to get your attention while you’re trying to talk on the phone. "Not now," is what you tell your inner child to quell the anxious little being that wants to do everything NOW. "Not now," are the words you reassure yourself with when your heart longs to be doing something else. It’s a kind of promise that you’ll get to it, certainly, just as soon as you can. Those craft projects I want to do? Not now. Jewelry making? Not now. Writing books? Not now.

When you really want to do something, you can find a way to eke out some space here or there. But finding focus space where you can devote the time and brain power needed, well sometimes it just has to wait. . . for now. If this happens to you, don’t beat yourself up about it. Just relegate it to "Not Now." Work toward finding that time/space you need while also accepting what you're capable of on any given day. Are there days when I have an extra hour or two? Sure. But I also know that sometimes I just need downtime. If I’m exhausted, I’m not going to give any project my best.

Remember that when you are following a passion and a higher purpose that you will have an inner drive and push to go for it. The nagging need won't leave you alone. Whatever your next step is, it will make sure you know. If you find that feeling ebbs, it may only be because the timing is quite right yet. You are in the "not now" period waiting, learning, living, accepting, whatever it is in the "now" so you can get to your "not now."

So, for me, the clean-up-clear-out continues, and the grand plans for many future endeavors stand at the ready in my doorway, beckoning. What are your Not Now’s? Are you able to recognize what can wait and what to push forward now? Remember the easiest and most fulfilling push will always begin with the pull from the heart.